For over 30 years, Tema Okun has devoted her life to dismantling racism and oppression of all forms. In this episode, Tema discusses her own evolution as an anti-racist white person and some of the hard-earned lessons she’s learned along the way. As she mentions in the episode, racism is not something that can go away through a half day workshop, it is a long and winding road of facing into oneself and the systems and structures in the air that we breathe. Doing this work will inevitably activate guilt and shame, feelings we are all socialized to avoid. But the cost of not facing into these feelings is too great. She says, “The cost of racism to all of humanity is our ability to be fully in community with one another.” The most radical thing we can do is understand when we feel it; to DEEP DIVE into it and recognize below that there is love.
White dominant culture has such deep levels of denial and is behind disconnection from ourselves and other people. White dominant culture hinders authentic connection between people by placing a premium on being right, on pretending we are ok, on niceness, and reinforcing the good/bad binary. Doing the work of anti-racism requires a lot of practice in being in a state of not knowing and that can be uncomfortable for many of us. White dominant culture teaches that you if you make a mistake, you are a mistake but we don’t have to buy into that. We are ALL harmed by injustice, white people, too. Let’s create something new by focusing on what we want and not just fighting against something we don’t want. Join us for this important conversation!
Show Highlights:
- How does my racial indoctrination get in the way of how I am in relationship to myself and others?
- Why “allies” is no longer the right term.
- Having the best of intentions but still hurting people.
- The danger of self-righteousness, of believing “I’m not like that…”
- How shame is keeping racism going
- The gift of people telling you an uncomfortable truth vs. writing you off
- The gift to ourselves of confronting our own racism
- Who is benefiting from racism?
- The difference between those who should know better and those who have no reason to know better
- We are all in it together.
- The problem with the good/bad binary
- The role of the sense of belonging
- How do we work through fear and instead show up in a way that is deeply loving
- The problem with needing to be right
- The inevitability of hurting one another but being in relationship means we also show up in constructive relationship and heal one another, too.
- Revisions Tema is currently working on to her White Supremacy Culture article
- Tema’s take on the most common white dominant culture norms that show up at the Skid Row School
- Trying to fix it quickly only adds to the problem. Let us slow down to go faster.
Links:
http://www.dismantlingracism.org/
https://conference.ncnonprofits.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/DEI_AddressWhiteDominantCulture.pdf
https://resourcegeneration.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/2016-dRworks-workbook.pdf
Where can we read about the highlights?
Why is the better term for allies?
How does shame keep racism going?
I am not Judeo Christian in beliefs, so I do not buy the concept of original sin. Nor do I think that we are guilty for the sins of our foreparents, so I feel no personal shame for their actions. I do admit benefitting & shame that about what was done to PoC. I haven’t figured out what I am supposed to do about it now.
Thank you for your questions, Laurie! Here is Tema’s response:
There are lots of resources online including the http://www.dismantlingracism.org website that offer more info about how white supremacy and racism operate. I prefer the word accomplice to the word ally because I think it’s important to claim my direct stake in racial justice. I am working with, rather than for. And while we may not be directly guilty or responsible for the sins of our ancestors, their legacy does impact us both individually and collectively in every dimension – spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Just as their gifts of love and tradition help us navigate, their racist and inhumane justifications, attitudes, and behaviors shape the way that we think and act. So we have responsibility, if only to clear ourselves of a legacy of toxic conditioning that does not serve us or those we love (or anyone). Getting caught up in shame is not generally very helpful, although I think that feeling shame about what is shameful is human and important. There are so many ways for us to take responsibility for racism and white supremacy now, including getting involved in national/local efforts like SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice) and/or other national/local efforts that meet you where you feel called – the environment, food, health, education, etc. Building justice is both a very personal and a very collaborative/collective act, so find your people (if you haven’t already) and continue to learn and grow as these questions show you are doing so well.
Tema Okun